Six Steps to Forgiveness

Can you really forgive anyone for anything?  My guest Lisa Gibson, Author of Releasing the Chains says "YES!"  No matter what the insult, betrayal or injury, you can forgive.  It truly comes down to the reasons why. 

So why would you want to forgive someone who has done you wrong? Especially after they have hurt you so deeply.  You couldn't possibly imagine "letting them off the hook." Although the pain may be very real, and all that you truly want is for the person to "pay for it."  It is important to understand that forgiveness is not for the "perpetrator," although that is a wonderful side effect;  forgiveness is for you.

How does forgiving another help you?  There are many wonderful benefits according to the Mayo Clinic " Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to healthier relationships, greater spiritual and psychological well-being, less anxiety, stress and hostility, lower blood pressure, fewer symptoms of depression and lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse."

Physiological benefits are one way to reap the rewards of forgiveness.  However the spiritual benefits are tremendous.  Allowing peace, compassion and grace to enter your life have untold rewards.  In essence you are no longer allowing the actions of others to control you and in effect your future.  One of my favorite quotes regarding resentment and unforgiveness expresses the effects on your life. "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die." — Malachy McCourt. 

Many believe that to forgive means that you accept the behavior, and or that you must reconcile.  This is not the case.  Reconciliation is something that can take place, if you choose.  However if there is a risk of continued injury then the relationship is better left dissolved.  The action of forgiveness in essence releases the chains that keep you stuck in negative, destructive thoughts and behaviors.

So how does one begin to forgive?  Author Lisa Gibson a conflict coach and attorney finds this approach to be very effective:

                                            Six Stages of Forgiveness

1. Identify the True Source of the Hurt of Pain - What am I really upset about?
2. Validate the Hurt - I have every right to feel this way because...
3. Grieve the Loss - Cry, yell or any other response you feel necessary.
4. Confront the Offender - In person (if it is safe) or by letter telling them how you feel.
5. Forgive - Decide to let to of the negative energy for good.
6. Let "Heavens Court" Provide the Justice - If the offender is non-repentant or you just can't seem to let go, hand it over to God/Heaven or whatever your beliefs are and leave any retribution to him/her. If you really want to go the extra mile, bless them and wish them well.

So an example of this process would be: Sally's co-worker who is also her friend, tells Sally's boss a lie that could cost Sally her job.  Sally is very upset at her co-worker and wants revenge.  Sally realizes that it is better to take the high road and decided to try to forgive her co-worker.  Sally identifies the source of her anger.  She feels betrayed and can no longer trust her co-worker. Sally acknowledges to herself that "Anyone in her position would feel the same way." Sally spends the next several weeks feeling the hurt, anger and disappointment.  Sally decides to speak with her co-worker and let her know how she was hurt.  Her co-worker seems truly sorry about what happened and explains that she was jealous and didn't mean to have everything turn out so seriously.  Sally decides to forgive her, but is having a hard time forgetting and cries still at the thought of it.  Sally realizes that she needs help letting go and asks God to take over.

This is just one example of many different scenarios that could play out.  The essence is that although it may seem impossible to forgive and move forward in your life, it can be as simple as taking that first step. The important part is that you do take a step.  What you will find is once you have made the decision to move forward, forgiveness is right around the corner.

If you would like to hear the full interview with Author Lisa Gibson visit our website at: http://passionandpurposeradio.com/archived-shows/