Her story inspired me to think about how often we allow our experiences to define us, especially when tragedy strikes and how we can, with the right choices bounce back. First let's look at the word Tragedy. The dictionary defines it as:
So what constitutes a tragedy? I believe a "tragedy" is relevant to the person who is experiencing it. What one person considers a tragedy, another considers it a trifle. For some it could be financial, others it may have been a personal loss, a series of bad decisions that led to an unhappy ending or even a blow from another. No matter where the experience derives from, it can be difficult to bounce back. Feelings of anger, frustration and even hopelessness can ensue after a tragic event.
One of the first steps towards healing is to accept the situation as it occurred. This does not mean that you agree with why it happened, it just means you accept that this was a part of your reality. The next step would be to allow yourself to feel the emotions associated with the event. So if you are angry, sad or frustrated, then express those emotions. You have every right to feel the way you do, anyone in your situation would feel the same way. Once you have expressed those emotions and validated your emotional response, its time to make a decision. Am I going to hold onto the feelings of Anger, Frustration or Helplessness? Or do I choose to move forward in a direction that is uplifting? If you responded with moving forward, then it's time to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean that you forget, although it is best to release it fully. Forgiveness means to let go of... completely abandon. Which is truly the best way to release the energy and move forward.
Forgiveness isn't just for the "offender." If you have played a role in the situation, as often is the case, then you must be willing to forgive yourself for the part you played. The knee jerk reaction is to say "I didn't do anything to deserve this" well, I have a belief that "nothing happens to us without our permission." There are cases of child abuse and rape that are the exception, however as an adult we play a bigger role in our tragedies than we may think. What we believe about ourselves, on a subconscious level can play out in a myriad of ways. One of the more common beliefs are feelings of unworthiness, which could lead to poor decision making in relationships, work and friendships. If you have feelings of unworthiness, you may allow others to treat you in ways that are not very loving or supportive. More often than not, feelings of unworthiness keep you in unhealthy experiences, that repeat like a broken record. Sometimes the experience repeats with the same "offender" or the face simply may change. Either way if you keep experiencing the same type of "tragedies" then you have to look at the common denominator which is YOU. When you allow yourself to play this part, you must also forgive your role in the experience.
What if you don't know how to forgive? One of the best ways I have learned to forgive is to create a forgiveness letter to each person you want to forgive. List the things that happened, how it made you feel as well as your decision to forgive. It's not an easy task. I think I cried several times before I was able to finish my letters. However the release that came along with it was well worth it. Once you finish each letter, take them outside, read them out loud and burn them! Allowing the ashes to be carried away in the wind will be a visual representation of your willingness to let go, and completely abandon it for good. Then repeat the same steps in the forgiveness letter to yourself.
How can you forgive yourself? Well, it looks something like this: "I forgive myself for staying in that relationship, situation, etc., even though it was not good for me. I didn't realized how loved I am and I now realize that I deserved better. I will remember that I am loved completely should a situation like this ever come up again, and I will make decisions that support my life." What you will come to realize through this process is that YOU make the choices that put you in any situation and you have the option to choose differently now. Choice is a beautiful gift. What I love about this exercise is that once you have written the letter, it is out of your mind, the energy is transferred to the paper, then then its transformed when you burn it!
Now your tragedy can be turned into something beautiful and empowering. One of the best ways to help transform a lesson into a life changer is to affirm your new belief. An affirmation looks something like this: I need not add anything to myself, I am complete as I am and I make decisions for my life that support me and my life mission! The power is in the choice. Choosing to take a tragedy and turn it into a triumph is a gift that will have a ripple effect in all aspects of your life. There is a saying "the way you do anything is the way you do everything." The choice is yours.
Experiences in life can take on a whole new meaning if you understand how to transform them. Be thankful for your experiences as they reveal to you the hidden beliefs that keep you from the life you want to live. Your life is yours to create however you choose. Not by your old restraints, but safe in the knowledge that your experiences need not define you, if you choose they can refine you!
If you are ready to release the past and move towards the life you deserve, then take these first steps of acknowledging the past, validate your emotional response, decided to forgive, take your lesson and turn that tragedy into a triumph!
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Question: Do you have a tragedy to triumph story? Please share, give your feedback or comments by clicking the comment box.
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