How to Turn a Tragedy into a Triumph!

So how does one turn a tragedy into a triumph?  It seems that most people take a tragic situation, and look for a silver lining but never really allow it to transform them.  My guest on last week's Show Marni Spencer-Devlin, shares how her life went from a tragic series of events, to a financial triumph, to selling it all to find her true happiness.

Her story inspired me to think about how often we allow our experiences to define us, especially when tragedy strikes and how we can, with the right choices bounce back. First let's look at the word Tragedy.  The dictionary defines it as:

An event causing great suffering, destruction, and distress, such as a serious accident, crime, or natural catastrophe.

A play dealing with tragic events and having an unhappy ending, esp. one concerning the downfall of the main character.

So what constitutes a tragedy? I believe a "tragedy" is relevant to the person who is experiencing it. What one person considers a tragedy, another considers it a trifle. For some it could be financial, others it may have been a personal loss, a series of bad decisions that led to an unhappy ending or even a blow from another. No matter where the experience derives from, it can be difficult to bounce back.  Feelings of anger, frustration and even hopelessness can ensue after a tragic event.

One of the first steps towards healing is to accept the situation as it occurred.  This does not mean that you agree with why it happened, it just means you accept that this was a part of your reality.  The next step would be to allow yourself to feel the emotions associated with the event.  So if you are angry, sad or frustrated, then express those emotions. You have every right to feel the way you do, anyone in your situation would feel the same way. Once you have expressed those emotions and validated your emotional response, its time to make a decision.  Am I  going to hold onto the feelings of Anger, Frustration or Helplessness?  Or do I choose to move forward in a direction that is uplifting?  If you responded with moving forward, then it's time to forgive.  Forgiveness does not mean that you forget, although it is best to release it fully. Forgiveness means to let go of... completely abandon.  Which is truly the best way to release the energy and move forward. 

Forgiveness isn't just for the "offender." If you have played a role in the situation, as often is the case, then you must be willing to forgive yourself for the part you played.  The knee jerk reaction is to say "I didn't do anything to deserve this" well, I have a belief that "nothing happens to us without our permission." There are cases of child abuse and rape that are the exception, however as an adult we play a bigger role in our tragedies than we may think.  What we believe about ourselves, on a subconscious level can play out in a myriad of ways.  One of the more common beliefs are feelings of unworthiness, which could lead to poor decision making in relationships, work and friendships.  If you have feelings of unworthiness, you may allow others to treat you in ways that are not very loving or supportive. More often than not, feelings of unworthiness keep you in unhealthy experiences, that repeat like a broken record. Sometimes the experience repeats with the same "offender" or the face simply may change. Either way if you keep experiencing the same type of "tragedies" then you have to look at the common denominator which is YOU.   When you allow yourself to play this part, you must also forgive your role in the experience.

What if you don't know how to forgive? One of the best ways I have learned to forgive is to create a forgiveness letter to each person you want to forgive.  List the things that happened, how it made you feel as well as your decision to forgive.  It's not an easy task.  I think I cried several times before I was able to finish my letters.  However the release that came along with it was well worth it.  Once you finish each letter, take them outside, read them out loud and burn them!  Allowing the ashes to be carried away in the wind will be a visual representation of your willingness to let go, and completely abandon it for good.  Then repeat the same steps in the forgiveness letter to yourself. 

How can you forgive yourself? Well, it looks something like this:  "I forgive myself for staying in that relationship, situation, etc., even though it was not good for me.  I didn't realized how loved I am and I now realize that I deserved better.  I will remember that I am loved completely should a situation like this ever come up again, and I will make decisions that support my life."  What you will come to realize through this process is that YOU make the choices that put you in any situation and you have the option to choose differently now.  Choice is a beautiful gift.  What I love about this exercise is that once you have written the letter, it is out of your mind, the energy is transferred to the paper, then then its transformed when you burn it!

Now your tragedy can be turned into something beautiful and empowering. One of the best ways to help transform a lesson into a life changer is to affirm your new belief.  An affirmation looks something like this: I need not add anything to myself, I am complete as I am and I make decisions for my life that support me and my life mission!  The power is in the choice. Choosing to take a tragedy and turn it into a triumph is a gift that will have a ripple effect in all aspects of your life. There is a saying "the way you do anything is the way you do everything." The choice is yours.

Experiences in life can take on a whole new meaning if you understand how to transform them.  Be thankful for your experiences as they reveal to you the hidden beliefs that keep you from the life you want to live.  Your life is yours to create however you choose.  Not by your old restraints, but safe in the knowledge that your experiences need not define you, if you choose they can refine you!

If you are ready to release the past and move towards the life you deserve, then take these first steps of acknowledging the past, validate your emotional response, decided to forgive, take your lesson and turn that tragedy into a triumph!

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 Question: Do you have a tragedy to triumph story?  Please share, give your feedback or comments by clicking the comment box.



How Changing Your Habits Can Make You Rich

Can changing your habits really make you rich?  Our recent guest  on Passion and Purpose Radio Thomas Corley author of Rich Habits says" Yes."  Tom is a Certified Public Accountant, Certified Financial Planner and Wealth Manager who has studied his wealthy clients and believes he struck gold by learning their habits.

Let's look at what constitutes a Habit. The dictionary defines a Habit as a recurrent, often unconscious pattern of behavior that is acquired through frequent repetition. It further defines a habit as an established disposition of the mind or character. 

Accepting the definition is just the beginning, now that we know that most habits are unconscious, How do we know we are doing it? How much of our daily life is spent in "unconscious patterns of behavior?"  Can you remember everything you did yesterday?  Or even today for that matter. Have you ever driven somewhere and once you arrived, you can't remember most of the drive?  It's a frightening thing to think about. 

So if much of our life is spent purely by habit, it might be a good idea to figure out which ones work to help improve our lives and which ones don't.   According to Tom, the habits we learn when we are young stay with us, maybe even haunt us.  So what do you do when a "habit" no longer serves you?  One way to change it is to "reinvent" the habit says Tom.  In coaching we call this re framing.  This is done by taking a behavior, thought, or habit and create a new version of the habit that is more supportive or basically just do the opposite of the habit you want to change.  For instance, if Sally has a smoking habit and wants to quit, she would need to "reinvent" her habit so she can be smoke free. Then she needs to follow her new habit with an affirmation.  The affirmation sounds something like this... Today I choose to breath clean air, I only feed my body with things that will support a healthy lifestyle.  Sally would need to repeat this affirmation  and action daily for at least 21 days to create a new habit, which is the widely accepted time frame for making new habits stick.

Now that you get the process of how to "reinvent" a habit, you have the option to start with any aspect of your life.  If you desire more money, then you must start with some new habits and reinvent old ones.  Tom says that his wealthy clients seemed to have the same type of habits. Those being reinvention, goal setting, engaging in self improvement and exercise just to name a few.  These wealthy habits have withstood the test of time and seem to yield results for his clients. 

Wealth may be first on the list of many, however there are many aspects of life where we could use a little reinvention.  What about your relationships? Your health? Your peace of mind?  Where does one start?  My suggestion would be to start with a list of the areas in your life you would like to "reinvent." One by one go down the list and rate each item on a scale of 1-10 of importance.  One being not so important to change right now and 10 being very important.  This will give you a starting place to reinvent areas of your life.  Once you have your priorities, take one or two at a time and start with defining what the "opposite" is of the habit you want to change. Make a commitment to yourself to follow this new habit for at least 21 days and make sure you write it down and speak your affirmations daily. That's it, simple yet effective.

What's interesting is that when one area of your life changes, other areas follow. Good luck to you and as they say in the Hunger Games... May the odds be ever in you favor! 


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